Okay my friends, with 17, 12, and 8-year-old children, we seem to be in all stages of “development” these days! Lots of interesting discussions in our house lately.
The subject of “the birds and the bees” is never an easy one to discuss with your children, but it is necessary that we do. I promise they are getting the information somewhere, so if you want to be the one to teach them, you’d better be aware of the information they are getting. As you well know, kids today are hearing all kinds of things at younger and younger ages.
I have found myself recently in discussions with other moms on the B&B’s. I am so proud of the young woman that my 17 year old, Miranda, is turning out to be. By the grace of God, she has turned out well! I always call her our guinea pig since she was the first child subjected to our parenting skills! David and I have applied a few rules in our journey as parents I want to share.
Answer questions as they come up, without giving more information than asked. Do not dismiss their questions as if they are silly.
Always answer questions about our bodies with emphasis on the fact that God created every little part of our bodies for a purpose and in His image.
When the sex subject comes up, don’t freak out and assume that your child is doing something wrong, and don’t be so embarrassed you can’t talk about sex with them.
Just as the case with many of God’s creations, the world has distorted and cheapened something that God created to be an intimate, one-of-a-kind bond between a husband and wife. Always keep this in mind when dealing with anything in this world that has been changed by the sinful world we live in.
Instill self-confidence in your child. Help them realize and understand that God created them and they are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13-16). With girls especially, love from and self-confidence instilled by their father will have a huge impact on their choices of boyfriends and a husband. If they don’t feel this fatherly love, they may seek love and acceptance in boyfriends. I know that Miranda is the teenager she is today because her daddy has put her on a pedestal her entire life, and she will accept no less from anyone she dates or marries. Her values are strongly in place, and there is no one who could persuade her to do anything she did not want to do.
When you talk to your child about sex, try not to make a big deal about it. In other words, don’t break out “The Encyclopedia of Sex” (all four volumes) and try to explain it all at once! (Can you guess how I learned about those birds and bees? =o/ It was one loooong night!)
Last, we work very hard not to shelter our children from the ways of the world. You must understand, however, that there is a difference between the KNOWLEDGE of this world and being INVOLVED in the ways of this world. Every family is different, and as parents, we are often products of the environment in which we were raised. Ahusband and wife bring to the parenting table a mixture of the ways they were raised. In our family, we do not worry about our children seeing us undressed (like getting into the bath or shower). As a matterof fact, during the years that I was having seizures, Trevor would not let me take a bath without someone in the bathroom with me (fearing I would drown if I had a seizure), and he was often the one with that job. (Don’t use your imagination here…it would not be a pretty sight! =o/) They know the differences between the anatomy of men and women, so their curiosity does not land them in a search for answers in the wrong places. We do not want to create a “forbidden fruit.” And again, I want to emphasize that we answer questions as theycome up. Often children will not ask a question until they are ready tohear the answer.
Nowhere in the Bible does God condone pre-marital sex. He specifically forbids it. In the world of our teenagers, and adults too for that matter, it is difficult to recognize the difference between Christians and non-Christians. That’s not acceptable. God calls us to be a peculiar people, and that’s what we need to be. In the world, not of the world.
Keep in mind that I am only a parent to my three children, and every child is different. I am certainly no expert on raising children; I just want to share what has worked (so far) with me. Sometimes, well most of the time, children do not believe parents really know anything. They may have to learn lessons the hard way, and the best you can do for them is pray.
So dig in your heels and brace yourself. If it hasn’t already been, it will be a subject in your home eventually. Don’t be blindsided by it–be prepared!
I will be praying for you and your children. After all, my children will be choosing their spouses someday, and I want great young men and women for them to choose from!
From my heart,
From my heart,
Celeste
