I know I haven’t posted much lately since I’m actually working on the book, but I was honored to receive a request to write a guest post for Liberty in Christ Ministries if you’d like to check it out. Be sure to read Patty’s story too while you’re there…it’s a good one!
Today I have a guest post on dealing with addiction in the marriage relationship from Saint Jude Retreats. Hope you enjoy!
Not all is lost!
By Annie Kochneva (Saint Jude Retreats)
When thinking about marriage, more often than not, people would first recall the beginning stages of how their family came to be. The proposal, the excitement, the wedding preparation, the vows, the respect and appreciation, the general care for the other person, their feelings and their well-being, the pure love that started it all. Everyone and anyone would like to think at that beginning stage that people, feelings and things stay the same and they can live in that frozen moment in time, when everything was well… just perfect.
In reality, people, feelings and things change. Sometimes these changes are for the better- people build loving relationships, stronger marriages, unbreakable bonds, mutual respect and understanding.
Sometimes, things don’t work out quite that way. It is an uncomfortable topic for many to discuss, but it is vital to share it with as many people as possible, because realizing that we are not alone sometimes might make the difference between “to repair” or “ to break” a marriage. There are so many factors in a marriage that can affect it in a way to make it more challenging for the people who are trying to make it work; however, substance use, whether it is alcohol or drug or both, is one of the top reasons for divorce in our society.
The reason behind this is perhaps because it is one of the few reasons that affect not only the couple, but the whole family- children and relatives included. It is completely understandable that the stronger the feelings between the spouses prior the substance use, the bigger impact can such an external factor have on their relationship. When that is the case, it is that much harder, because the bigger the expectations are- the bigger the disappointment is at the end. To make things even worse, usually the extended family and friends not only do not support, but sometimes even discourage the spouse, who is not involved in substance use, to continue the relationship and rebuild the marriage. And the loss of support in such a moment can be crucial for some couples, making it a tipping point in the direction of a divorce.
Therefore, it is vital for spouses to understand that there are alternatives and there are support channels to help rebuilding relationships that have been affected by substance use, but most of all, that there is hope. Many couples manage not only to rebuild their marriages but to actually make them stronger. No matter which side of the equation you are on- the substance user or the spouse, you can actively participate in the process of saving your marriage, instead of silently observing its ruin. How can you do this?
– Talk the talk–
In order to rebuild, you have to open up to each other first and that is valid for both sides. Let the other person know how you feel, share your fears and expectations and rebuild your trust.
– Own up to it–
To be able to move on, you first have to admit to your choices, decisions and actions that affected your marriage or your partner in a negative way. Then, you have to accept the consequences that come with them. That applies for both partners.
– Seek support–
Some couples manage to rebuild their lives together and avoid divorce on their own, so it is not impossible. However, there are many alcohol programs that can actively support you in that process and it will be that much easier to let them guide you through that process, there is no need to rediscover the wheel.
– Put in the work-
After you talk the talk, this is the stage where you have to walk the walk. Nobody can do it for you, but many have done it before you.
And remember, nobody else can do it for you, but you can do it.
{Annie Kochneva is with St. Jude Retreats~ a non-12 step alternative program to conventional alcohol and drug rehab.}
Come visit me over at Addiction Blog today.
Can you really ever feel normal after narcotic addiction?
So much for Simple Saturdays, life has been anything but simple this week.
Pills…pills…pills…are taking over our families! How have we come to this? I remember seeing a video about the communist manifesto that discussed the best way to destroy America. From the inside-out. Look at the change in our values and laws over the last 50 years. Look at the infiltration of pornography on television and the internet. The availability of alcohol. The availability of drugs…prescriptions and the illegal ones. I can tell you if I know where to get marijuana, everyone does.
I didn’t know the boy who died of an overdose, but I don’t need to. All I need to know is that he was a son, brother, grandson, great-grandson, nephew, and friend. I pray that he also carried Jesus in his heart and is with him in Heaven right now. The alternative, though very real, is not one I like to think of.
Prescriptions drug overdoses are claiming more lives every day. People—often teenagers—taking them for recreational use have no idea what they can do to you. While their brain thinks it can handle the “high” dose, their lungs and heart cannot. In an instant, their life is over.
Parents are burying their children.
Friends are burying friends.
Brothers are burying brothers.
People who are addicted to prescription drugs as a result of medical reasons end up needing more and more to relieve their pain, withdrawals, or whatever the case may be. Again, their brain think the dose can is needed, but their heart ceases to beat and their lungs cease to inhale.
Anyone abusing prescription pain medications—no matter what the reason—is fighting a battle in their mind. The classic battle between good and evil, Jesus and Satan. The battle being fought is both physical and spiritual To overcome addiction, I can tell you from experience physical assistance is just not enough. A divine intervention is needed.
A young girl, Ashley, who lost her battle to drugs wrote a poem describing life on drugs is like…the horror actually being offered to us when presented with the decision to use drugs. I took her poem, and added a “rebuttal,” if you will, to show the life than Jesus offers everyone. We must only accept.
Here’s the poem. Please read it slowly and share with anyone whom it might help. If you’d like to have a copy, you can upload a PDF version and print for free by clicking HERE.
I’m excited to be over at addiction blog today with an article and powerful poem on the spiritual warfare of addiction. Please visit me over there today and feel free to leave a comment! I’ll be posting the poem here on my blog in a few weeks. Please share it with anyone you know who might be battling with the hopelessness of addiction.
Drug addiction…pure joy? Hardly.
Drug addiction often seems impossible to overcome. It cannot be done alone, yet it’s deemed so shameful it’s difficult to share with anyone to get help. So many people attempt to overcome it alone, which Satan just loves. Because the brain is affected so specifically in drug addiction, going it alone just gives Satan a welcome invitation to set up residence in your brain. He will justify all of the wrong decisions you make. Loneliness is one of Satan’s most powerful tools.
God, however, can take WHATEVER addiction you are dealing with and use it for his glory. Instead of pleading and whining to God, specifically ask him what his purpose is for you life. Genuinely seek his plan. He will gladly share that plan with you when you ask in humbleness and complete faith.
If you want to know what God wants you to do, ask him and he will gladly tell you, for he is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask him; he will not resent it. (James 1:5 TLB)
If you want to read more about getting help with drug addiction, read my article today at addiction blog. Please share with anyone you suspect may be struggling with prescription drug addiction.
For seven years I sought the help of medical doctors, psychologists, chiropractors, and other natural healers to cure me of grand-mal seizures, migraine headaches, depression, and opiate addiction. I hate the think about the thousands upon thousands of dollars I spent doing so.
All that time, I had a direct line to a Superhero. I kept relying on worldly resources when I really needed the Great Physician. The creator of the universe. The ultimate healer. The one who holds the answers to every question. The one who holds the master plan.
As is human nature, I looked for answers myself. I failed. As a Christian, I had direct access to the supernatural. Being born again give you access to the spiritual world. I mean think about it. “Born Again.” You certainly can’t be stuffed back into your mother’s uterus!
Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.” (John 3:3 NLT)
Born again = Born from above.
I just had to get past myself to realize it. Which apparently took seven years, because apparently I’m fairly stubborn. Once I finally stopped looking inward, and began looking upward, asking God his plan, he healed me overnight. Exactly two years ago today.
On September 25, 2010, I woke up completely free.
Seizures? Gone.
Headaches? Gone.
Depression? Gone.
Addiction? Gone.
He reached his arm down into this ordinary world, and lifted me up to a supernatural place. Other than a few minor headaches, I can honestly say I’ve been completely free from seizures and all medication.
Happy Birthday to me!
Do you have a problem that is beyond your control? Release it to God. Seek out his plan. He can handle it. He’s THE SUPERHERO.
From my heart,
Celeste
There are some new adventures in the Vaughan household these days. Our vacation of Beachy Goodness was just what we needed before the wave of change took place.
So here’s a mixed-up post to go with my mixed-up life. Forgive my rambling. It’s the state of my brain right now.
Last, but not least, I’m still working on THE BOOK. Can you feel the frustration in my fingertips?
{This is a great image of what it’s like when I sit to write—something or someone else getting in the way.}
And every time I think my writing is good enough, I learn something new, and feel the need to continue to make it better. Will that feeling ever go away? Probably not. Eventually I’ll have to kick it out of the nest and see if it flies.
“It’s not terribly helpful to have a professional tell you what you need to do to get better. They can’t understand. Hearing it from someone who has been there personally, understands how you feel, and knows the medical details of addiction makes all the difference in the world.”
Here are a few things I know about taste and mood:
We crave whatever is a part of our life—what we do, who we see, what we eat, what we drink, etc.
The neat thing is, though, that the flip side of this is true as well.
“Whether we’re on the path toward victory or defeat is determined by the very next choice we make. Not the choices from yesterday. Not the choices five minutes ago.” ~Lysa Terkeurst
I’ve written a few blog posts recently about freedom. With Memorial Day just behind us and July 4th ahead, we see much in the news about the freedom of our country. I’m thankful every day for the soldiers who fight for our country’s freedom. But for each of us personally, what good is the freedom of our country if we aren’t free within ourselves?
Freedom is a big word.
Personal freedom is like a hot air balloon. There are so many factors that affect whether or not it will be able to fly…. or be free.
Some factors cannot be controlled. Wind and precipitation for instance. Then there are other factors which can be controlled, and are actually used by the balloonist to keep the balloon from flying—tethers and sandbags.
Satan uses as many circumstances as he can to keep us from freedom. We many not be able to control the state of the economy, war among nations, poverty, or natural disasters, but we can control the sandbags and tethers in our lives.
Let me rephrase…with Christ, we can control the sandbags and tethers in our lives.
What are our sandbags and tethers?
Throw off those sandbags and fly!
