Help, I’m in pain!

     Have you ever seen a house that was taken over by stray cats? It all starts with just one stray cat. You feed it. It has kittens. You feed them. They have kittens, and so on and so on and so on. You end up with around 50 cats living in, under, and around your house, waiting to be fed. You get more food because you are feeding more cats. It becomes an out of control situation. What happens if you don’t feed them? They come to the door, to your feet, and pester you to death until you until you do! They get on your nerves, they might even get mean, and scratch or bite you.
     This is an analogy to help understand what happens to our brain when we take narcotics for pain like Lortab, Vicodin, or Oxycodone. Our brains have receptors that tell us when we are in pain. For the sake of explanation, lets say we normally have 10 receptors. Drugs in the narcotic class are the only drugs that truly block those receptors to relieve pain. Narcotics taken for short periods of time are typically not a problem. But when we keep feeding narcotics to those receptors, they begin to multiply like stray cats. Where we once had 10 receptors that perceive pain, we now have 100, or 500, or 1000. So what do we do? We have to feed them more. They continue to multiply. What happens if we take that narcotic away? Those receptors attack more ferociously that any amount of cats ever could. This is physical addiction. Narcotics will actually change the chemistry of our brains.
     When I began having migraines and seizures, I was prescribed a narcotic to use when the pain could not be controlled any other way. I took it off and on as needed, only it seemed like I needed it more and more often. My pain tolerance got lower and lower. When I ended up taking Lortab for two months after a seizure, broken nose, and sinus surgery, I couldn’t go off of it without throwing up constantly. My receptors were out of control. At this point, any tolerance I had at all completely disappeared. I struggled as my brain and body screamed for relief. 
     When God healed me and I became free from all medication, a floodlight came on in my brain. I looked back over my journey and realized something about pain I’d never realized before. When I began using pain medicine off and on to relieve migraines, my headaches intensified. Then when I began taking it even more often, the headaches were unbearable. The increased receptors in my brain were causing my perception of pain to be worse. Now that I have been off all medication for over a year, the migraines that once sent me to a dark room in tears are now just headaches. They are unpleasant and aggravating, but they no longer stop me in my tracks. 
     True, full-blown addiction typically requires help. It’s a tough battle to win, but with God, nothing is impossible. My focus here is on the millions of people every day who take just one Lortab at bedtime to be able to sleep, or just one Oxycontin in the morning to allow them to be able to work. Taking small maintenance doses of a narcotic increases pain receptors just enough to increase pain perception. We may think it’s the pain that is worsening when it might just be the perception of pain is higher because of the receptors. 
     God created those pain receptors in our brain–just the right amount–because we need to perceive pain to know when something is wrong. He made us in His image. He didn’t intend for those receptors to torture us, but when we feed them too often, they grow. And grow and grow and grow.  If you are taking a low maintenance dose of a narcotic, you probably perceive your pain to be worse than it really is. If you can stop taking it long enough for your brain to get back to normal, I bet you’d realize the pain isn’t nearly as bad as it once was. Give it a try if you can. Believe me, I never thought I’d see the day that a migraine headache didn’t send me screaming to a dark, quiet room for the duration.
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“It’s all in your mind.”

Has someone ever said to you, “It’s all in your mind?” It’s a funny and not so funny thing that my dad used to always say those words to me, and now my husband does! It made me crazy then, and it makes me crazy now. HOWEVER (and I promise you these words WILL come back to haunt me), we can train ourselves to think in a way that can change our mind, our hearts, and our world.
How often do you decide you want to change something about yourself? Or start something new? We are always growing and changing as our life progresses, yet we are also creatures of habit. I blogged about this same topic called “Small Beginnings” if you’d like to read that post as well, you can see it here:
I can’t tell you how many times I decided I would change my diet and threw away everything in my pantry; how many times I decided to get in shape and spent 3 hours at the gym, then couldn’t get out of bed the next day; decided to “spring clean” and cleaned out so much stuff at one time I had a bigger mess than when I started! 
In all of these situations, I set myself up for failure. It has taken me a LONG time to learn, but in order to really change, you must take small steps. If you are making a positive change in your life, and you begin to see good in the first small steps, you will eagerly await the next one. 
For example, if you want to diet, the first logical step would be to replace all of your beverages with water for two weeks. After that time is up, water will be a natural choice for you, you may have already lost a little weight, and you’ll be ready to take the next small step…like walking for 30 minutes a day. 
If you want to save money, make a conscious decision to eat at home instead of eating out when you normally would, then put what you would have spent aside and see how much you have saved in two weeks. This will “train” your mind to realize that even small things can make a difference. 
If you want to have the uncluttered home you’ve always coveted, spend 25 minutes a day devoted ONLY to cleaning out clutter. Do not tackle more than you can accomplish in 25 minutes, and then make the commitment to yourself NOT to let that area get cluttered again. Little by little, this will become a way of thinking, and in just 6 months to a year, you might just have that house you always wanted! (oh…and when you declutter, put whatever you are getting rid of in a black trash bag and get it OUT OF THE HOUSE…to go to trash, good will, consignment, wherever, just don’t leave it in the house.)
Now, all of these things are obviously things I’ve done, and am still doing. Each one of these areas of my life gets easier every day. But without the steps I’ve taken every day to get to know my Jesus better, none of these other things would matter. They are all in this life, here and now. We need to be happy here and now, but we also must know that none of these things will matter someday. So while me make little changes to shape our life here, we must also make little changes to shape our life there…in eternity. 
Begin to do small thing each day to get to know Jesus better. Find a good non-fiction book to read to begin teaching you about your Jesus. “The Purpose Driven Life” comes to mind since I’ve blogged about it recently. “Seeing Through the Lies” is a book by Vonda Skelton my bible study is about to start. Another book to begin to change the way you think is “Crazy Love” by Frances Chan. Don’t go to the bookstore and get a Beth Moore bible study right off the bat, or you’ll probably find it sitting alone on your desk next week untouched. They are wonderful, but time consuming. Start small. Just read a book. A little each day.
Maybe make “Fireproof” your Friday night rental. Make WLFJ the station you listen to in your car. Before long, you’ll realize that you are getting to know your Jesus, and you’ll want more of him. You may begin to see and feel changes that surprise you! 
I have not always known Jesus personally, even though I claimed him as my savior. I believe many Christians are in the same boat I’ve been in most of my life. It took seven years of sheer hell…severe depression, migraine headaches, grand mal seizures, and prescription drug addiction…to make me see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that light was Jesus. Plain and simple. I pray that this blog, and the hard lessons I have learned, might help someone else NOT have to learn them the hard way. I’d like to know that the horrid seven years I endured weren’t just for me. I want them to be for you too. 
“It’s all in your mind” is a statement that frustrates. It’s overwhelming. And I think it may be a little sexist since it seems to be men that love to say it! =o/ But if we can begin to do small things, we can begin to change the big things. If we change our habits, we will change our thoughts. If we change our thoughts, we will change our world. 
From my heart, 
Celeste

Does our sin separate us from God?


Two years ago, I attended a “Women of Faith” conference, and was very intrigued by one of the speakers. Her name is Ashley Smith. A few years ago in Atlanta, she was instantly place in the spotlight as she was abducted and held hostage by Brian Nichols, a convicted killer. Her book, “Unlikely Angel: The Untold Story of the Atlanta Hostage Hero,” was an amazing account of every thought and action that took place during the seven hours she was held hostage.

I listened to her speak, and while she was very humble, her “miracle” was very fresh, and I wondered whether or not she could maintain a drug free life and uphold the promises she made to God that night.

In her book, she reveals she had tried and tried to become free of drugs, and she was reading and studying “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren. While she had told God time and time again that she was done with drugs and ready to straighten her life out, she always kept a little stash “just in case.”


I think when we are in sin and are telling ourselves that we won’t do “whatever” again, and we still have that something on the back burner available if we need it, we are separating ourselves from God. I think of it as an invisible shield between God and me. In our head, we think we are doing the right thing. We talk ourselves into it…we justify. But at the same time, we know in our heart and in the back of our mind that we are keeping that sin on standby. 

Other than our prescription verse above, scripture also tells us when we justify our sin, we don’t have truth, which is the light in Jesus Christ. 

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 1 John 1:8 ESV

Ok, back to Ashley Smith. I picked up her book to read (after having it for two years) and after finishing it, decided to Google her to see how she’s doing now. I was so happy to see that she is doing great. I’ve included a video here (part 1 and 2) of a show she was interviewed on not too long ago. I hope you will enjoy it.


For me, my sin was addiction. Yes, I had an issue with Lortab, and that was awful, but that is not the big picture. As the title of my story reflects, I was addicted to the chase…the chase to cure my migraine headaches; the chase to cure my seizures; the chase to be happy; the chase to grab my mask so no one would know how miserable I was; the chase to constantly isolate myself from family and friends because I felt such guilt when I was around them. Instead of focusing on God and what he could do, I focused on myself. On my misery; my search for a cure; my guilt. During that time, I missed an opportunity to let Christ minister to me. Thank goodness he rescued me from myself!

When I finished reading “Unlikely Angel,” and I thought about how I’d held on to my sin, I realized something important. When you make a promise to God that you will no longer give a home to your sin, and you truly have made the decision to put it behind you, the best way to stay on course is to use your experience to help others. I know blogging and writing is not the right avenue for everyone, but when we begin to help other people in similar situations, God gives us strength. When we can share with another person the covenant we’ve made with God, we will hold ourselves more accountable to it. When we can really be transparent, and realize that we are not perfect and neither is anyone else, we will find great freedom. It’s amazing to find out how common your struggle is…whatever it is. 

If you have read my story and my blogs, you know how truly happy I am. I’ve always had a heart for people, but for the seven years of my illness and “chase,” I lost my focus. I couldn’t see others very well, only myself. Now that my vision has been corrected, there is nothing more rewarding that sharing the amazing love that God has for us…and actually feeling it first hand. 

From my heart, 
Celeste