Well throughout this sermon series on marriage, I’ve squirmed in my seat, been lovingly “nudged” by my hubby, and turned red in the face. Hopefully Perry won’t step on my toes quite so much during the next series! This post concludes “The Trulywed Game” as we discuss the Languages of Love. Perry’s words are in blue, my added thoughts in black…and here’s the link if you’d like to watch the sermon (and the conclusion of “The Trulywed Game” itself) ~ http://www.brookwoodchurch.org/mediaplayer
The way to improve marital intimacy is communicating love so my spouse will understand.
Gary Chapman came out with the book, “The Five Love Languages” years which Perry based this sermon on. Learning your spouse’s love language (and your children’s) makes for a much happier home.
Five ways to communicate love:
1) Words
Some people thrive on words of praise. If you grew up in a home of constant praise, it may be what you expect. If you grew up in a home of constant criticism and lack of praise, you might crave praise in your current relationship.
Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim. Proverbs 15:4 (Msg)
When you live with someone, lets face it; they can get on your nerves. Their bad traits come front and center, and their good traits get lost in the shuffle. Sometimes we have to go back and remember why we married them in the first place. To get past the “life” that happens every day, it takes work to see and put emphasis on the qualities that you love about your spouse. I find that if I’m bragging about David to someone else, I name all of the things I love about him. I need to do that more often!
When you do praise your spouse, your words must be sincere and honest, without attached criticism.
2) Time
This one is high on the list of David’s love languages. How many of you multitask? I think I drive myself and everyone around me crazy trying to do five things at once, and if I’m not doing them, I’m thinking that I need to be. This is an area I need to work on. When I am spending time with David, it needs to be time spent focusing on our relationship (not sitting on the sofa beside him working on my laptop…that was last night =o/).
My lover said to me, “Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!…The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come…” Song of Songs 2:10, 12 (NLT)
He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me. Song of Songs 2:4 (NLT)
Sometimes it’s necessary to dress up, put on those heels or fancy tie and go on a date. Taking the time to get uncomfortable and do something your spouse likes to do will speak volumes if time is their love language.
3) Gifts
I’m making jewelry for you, gold and silver jewelry that will mark and accent your beauty. Song of Songs 1:10-11 (Msg)
A quietly given gift soothes an irritable person; a heartfelt present cools a hot temper. Proverbs 21:14 (Msg)
If receiving gifts is your spouse’s love language, one of the best ways to communicate that message is to know them well enough to actually know what gifts they like! If your wife always wears black and white, a bright yellow sundress might not be the best choice.
Always buying on the markdown rack might send the wrong message. =o) (Thanks, Perry!)
4) Service
This is a big one for me. Have you ever seen the ultimate book of porn for women? In it you’ll find photos of men (fully dressed) vacuuming, washing dishes, taking out trash, etc. I love it!
Serve each other with love. Galatians 5:13 (NCV)
Rebekah said to Jacob: “Go out to the flocks, and bring me two fine young goats. I’ll use them to prepare your father’s favorite dish.” Genesis 27:9 (NLT)
Service is also an important love language for David, especially when it comes to his stomach! Even if we’re having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, he always says they taste better when I fix them!
5) Touch
I found the one my heart loves. I threw my arms around him. I didn’t let him go… Song of Songs 3:4 (WORD)
Again, this love language is important to David as well (I might as well just focus on all five the keep this man happy!)
I am almost five years younger than David. When we were dating, I felt uncomfortable showing much affection in public, because I didn’t want it to look like I was “hanging” all over him. I was just worried what other people would think. David, on the other hand, wanted me to hold his hand and put my arms around him in public. To him, showing affection in public made it obvious to people that I loved him and was proud to be with him.
One mistake we can easily make is using our own love language to try to communicate with our spouse. That doesn’t work. Washing dishes and vacuuming does not show David that I love him, no matter how much I do it! I have to communicate my love to him through his love language.
How do I discover my mate’s love language(s)?
1) Observe how my spouse expresses love (we most often express love how we want to be loved).
2) Listen to what my spouse requests most often.
3) Offer choices between options representing different love languages.
…Let us practice loving each other… 1 John 4:7 (TLB)
It’s a shame Rosetta Stone doesn’t have software for this!
From my heart,
Celeste
love your blog and your family pic. I have 3 kids, too, but mine are all grown and married now with 3 grandkids and one on the way!
I am loving the ages of my kids right now. I thought I’d always miss having babies, but I think the next babies I’ll be ready for will be my grandkids…just not anytime soon!